Realization

     Sorry I'm posting so late, I taught myself to crochet tonight; it was on my bucket list, but I'll get to that later.  The title of this post is realization, probably strange I know, but it fits.  On Saturday, the day after I got my life changing news, in the middle of crying and praying for help or guidance or anything that might help me understand, I heard or thought "open your eyes" (I'm almost positive that I heard this because why would I think something like that).  And in that moment I realized that I was miserable.   Yeah you read that right I was miserable, not only in that moment but in life in general, and I have been for some time.  It was kinda like when  Wile E Coyote suddenly notices that he is in mid-air and about to plummet to the ground.  I should have noticed how unhappy I was just by my answer to, "Did you have fun on the cruise?"  Who can go on a cruise for a week and when you get back every time someone asked how it was, you say "eh, it was alright."  Me that's who.  I remember growing up thinking that I wanted to be like Roseanne Barr, you know she said what she meant and meant what she said, well lately I could have taught her a thing of two.  I knew that I needed to make some changes.

      So, I started a bucket list.  I put everything that I ever wanted to do, mostly it is traveling but it made me feel a little better, dreaming about what I might be able to do one day.  Anyone that knows me, knows that I would follow each one up with a plan on when and how I was going to get these things done.  On that list was to learn to crochet, that probably makes me sound old, but I think it's cool to make something and have people comment on it.  So I taught myself tonight, it wasn't so hard, but it is time consuming, I mean I only got about 3 inches of my scarf done.  Anyway, this post isn't about crocheting, but going into Wal-Mart and buying my yarn and needles put a smile on my face.  

     After making my bucket list I started thinking of ways that I could save money so that if I really want to we could live off of James's income.  I even emailed a good friend of mine and asked her how she does it, she seems to have everything and she seems sooo happy.  I wanted just a smidgen of her happiness and she said somethings that made me rethink about things that I "need" and things that I "want".  And that I don't have to keep up with "the Jones'" to be happy.  Most of the "Jones'" are getting divorced, because they don't take time for each other, and I don't want that. 

      I remembered a saying that I heard somewhere, being happy is an conscious decision.  After realizing that I was sooooo miserable I started making myself pretend to be happy.  My grandfather used to say, fake it till you make it, and today I didn't have to fake it so much, and that's a start.  

      I'm going to compile my list of things I'm going to try out to save money, and I'll post them later.

     Good Night All.